Library-goer eating Smith’s Original Sea Salt chips receives cease-and-desist notice from cubicle neighbour.
An unsuspecting first year student has revealed that she is clearly oblivious to the unspoken rules of the silent level when a seemingly innocent piece of paper landed on her desk. But after a speed-read of the document, and a confused but illuminating Google search, Jane Anderson soon learned that she had just committed the Level 6 cardinal sin.
As thrilled as Jane was about having access to one of a thousand different vending machines around campus, she was shocked to learn that not everyone on the silent level also wants to share in her potato chip consumption. Whilst many scorching glares were cast in Jane’s direction, one fellow law-abiding and silent student took matters into her own hands.
It has been confirmed that only an exasperated fourth year Law and IT student would have the pettiness and the touch-typing speed to be able to write up a cease-and-desist letter, print it out, sign it and drop it onto another student’s desk all in the space of two minutes.
Upon reading through the document more thoroughly, Jane couldn’t help but notice the irony that the Torts topic she was studying that week was private nuisance. Out of fear of making further noise, she was forced to let the somewhat-masticated chip in her mouth dissolve under her corrosive and unforgiving saliva.
It’s been a humiliating day for Jane, but at least she’ll have a snack for later when she catches the train home.
Speaking to the Journal in the aftermath of the showdown, the fourth year who issued the letter stated that she had reached a tipping point in her agitation with people not respecting the law of the land. “Someone’s gotta stand up and make sure that people know the rules.”
The document itself is in the process of being scanned and distributed around the lawbry for other students to issue each other with whenever someone does something mildly annoying and inconvenient.
Stay tuned for updates. Issue cease and desist letters at your own discretion.
Written by Ashton Darracott
This satire piece first appeared on The George Street Journal on April 29th 2021